So everyone has been asking me what I think about the revelations concerning John Edwards. Given that I served on his National Finance Committee, hosting an event with him at my home in June 2007 and with Elizabeth in October 2007, spent much of November and December 2007 volunteering for his campaign in Iowa, and much of January 2008 doing the same in New Hampshire and South Carolina, people have expected me to feel betrayed, to be outraged.
Sorry, I’m not.
My first reaction has been a flippant “Well, he has a pulse and a penis, so I am not surprised.” It constantly amazes me that we expect our public figures to somehow be immune to the same temptations and foibles as the rest of us human beings and are shocked – shocked – when they prove to be just as human as we are, to be just as prone to do dumb and hurtful things as anyone else.
Then people say “But he was running for president!” Sorry, folks, that doesn’t really move me either. I don’t expect my leaders to be all that different from the rest of us, and many individuals who were hardly models of sexual fidelity (Martin Luther King, anyone?) nevertheless did amazing things to make our nation a better place. I’ll take a philandering Martin Luther King over a faithful Jesse Helms any day.
In the end this seems to me to be as much about us and our unrealistic expectations as it is about John Edwards. In the end, the extramarital affair John had is an issue between John and Elizabeth. It’s really none of our business.
Do I think what he did was dumb? Hell yeah. John knows how politics works in America, that sooner or later this was going to come to light and do irreparable harm to his prospects. Given the reality of how politics works in our country, his behavior was just plain stupid. Period.
Personally I’d like to see our nation’s politics focus more on policies and programs than on personalities. We have serious economic woes, a growing divide between rich and poor, a poisoned planet growing warmer by the day, and all we can talk about is whether or not politicians can keep their flies zipped? No wonder we get so little leadership out of those we elect.
Mmm, I posted a comment several days ago and it never showed up, so let me try again, although it won’t be exactly the same…
You are right, Kevin, that John’s affair should be a personal matter between John and Elizabeth. But it’s not, as John has chosen to put himself very much in the public eye and has to know his every action will be scrutinized. Yes, we need to worry more about our world than what it going on in the bedrooms (or elsewhere) of our politicians, yet their behavior in these private places is also a reflection of who they are and what we can possibly expect from them in terms of honesty and integrity overall. I think this is actually true for teachers and other educators more than anyone…
Sure, I would still vote for Edwards over many others, but I have also lost respect for him as a person, and certainly as a husband (though thankfully not mine…). I don’t hold him or any other political figure to any higher standard than anyone else who has gotten married and taken vows of forsaking all others and all that. You don’t go into marriage “for now” or “until I am otherwise tempted”. It’s supposed to be forever, and if having an open marriage is not part of the original “deal”, then it has no place in the relationship unless BOTH parties choose to make it so.
I don’t ever accept “he has a pulse and a penis” as an excuse for cheating on your spouse or monogamously committed partner. Women have a pulse and a clitoris - do you think we have no similar desires and temptations? Okay, you will now call on testosterone levels and such, but studies have shown that some women have higher testosterone levels than some men. It comes down to: are you so selfish and self-centered as to hurt your spouse or partner that way? Do you let yourself forget about the other person in your relationship? Do you allow yourself to become so full of yourself that now it’s an excuse? I don’t buy it. There cannot be a double standard on this. It’s a matter of having made a promise and commitment to the person you supposedly love enough to plan on spending your life with, and showing that love by, in one way, being faithful. ESPECIALLY if you go around on a wonderful-family-man kind of pedestal. Maybe we shouldn’t put people on those kind of pedestals, but I think they help put themselves there as well. Rah, rah, heterosexual marriage, and my poor wife has cancer but I’m sticking by her. Bah. You’re not getting enough sex while your spouse is ill, go to the bathroom and relieve yourself. Don’t put on one front to your public and be such a liar and cheater behind closed doors.
I know I sound harsh, but I’ve been married for 27 years, and I know the kind of things that come up in marriages, the stresses, the disconnect, the getting caught up in work, etc. But you can’t forget the person at home. That’s the part where heterosexual marriages fail. Selfishness. Excuses. (In case it sounds like my husband has cheated on me, he has not, nor I him, so I am not speaking from personal experience in being unfaithful.) So I don’t want to hear someone in a heterosexual marriage tell gay and lesbian couples they are not deserving of that same marriage, that they can only have a civil union and be happy for that, because that’s all my RELIGION will allow, and then go make a mockery of their own marriage and that entire “sacred institution”.
Sorry, Kevin, this is your blog, not mine, but you struck a nerve here. I understand if you can’t post this.
Left by Esther Griffin on August 15th, 2008